Unfiltered, Uninhibited, and Unbothered: A Letter From The Editor
A Few Things You Need to Know About the Editor
The Leslie Dwight poem that went viral recently hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. You see, perspective has been heavily on my mind since I became pregnant with my son in 2016, and even more in 2020.
A little backstory: I am a true Aquarius. I live by a different set of rules than what is typical in society, meaning that my beliefs are sometimes considered unconventional. They may be unconventional, but I believe in them for wanting a better world. When my hormones were wild from both being pregnant and being off my anti-depressant, I had an awakening. It started with not wanting a baby shower. I felt it was my choice to have a child and it was no one else’s burden to feel they had to give me a gift. I did not want a registry, I wanted to do it on my own, and I wanted to painstakingly search for the most ethically-made and eco-friendly products I could find since I had the privilege to be able to afford them. I am happy to support my friends and family having babies, and I always will, I just had this weird hormonal conviction with my own pregnancy.
photography : picturesque photos by amanda
I ransacked my home Marie-Kondoing everything including any cleaners and materials I deemed too toxic to raise a baby in— much to my husband’s bewilderment and eventual chagrin. I loved my sweet unborn child so much, that I felt I was doing what was best. I told my husband that I wanted to always keep holidays and gifting to a minimum so that he could grow up enjoying holidays for the family, love, food, and pretty much anything other than receiving gifts. I know my family thought I was bat shit crazy and that I had lost my mind, but I became frustrated when I wondered how no one could see that all I wanted was to raise a child with perspective and not play a part in destroying the planet or encouraging future illness from toxic materials in the home. I wanted “things” and “stuff” to matter less.
I became obsessed with mulling over what was bad for the environment with pregnancy celebrations like all the single-serve cups, plates, forks, and disposable decor used for baby showers and gender reveals. All of that confetti and all of those balloons. It was difficult to stomach for me and it was even more difficult to stomach being judged for wanting to be kind to the planet. I love celebrating and helping people celebrate—I do it for a living, but I would be lying if I said that I was not bothered by the effect on the environment and that I did not think about how many nonessential things we do to celebrate.
I was pregnant while in the midst of growing Spain Ranch, and I began to see the unnecessary fluff that took away from the celebration of love that was supposed to be happening on wedding days. Don’t get me wrong here, there were plenty of couples who got married for the right reasons, but some simply wanted to get married for the ‘gram, and it saddened me. Thoughts of perspective consumed me every waking second. This got me to take a look at the wedding industry as a whole, and put my mind on publishing a magazine about it.
When I purchased Cottage Hill to turn it into B.E Publishing, I took it on because I knew I wanted to try and help change the public’s perspective not only on the topic weddings but on life in general. I wanted to connect with other people who had similar epiphanies and thoughts. On the wedding side of things, in both the local and international markets, I was frustrated with the lack of representation of minorities, LGBTQ+ couples, and couples that did not look like they were young, blonde skinny hetero models hired from an agency. I was saddened that the focus on weddings and shoots published focused on pretty details and only people that look a certain way instead of the love stories. It all bothered me. I was determined to change that.
Fast-forward to me purchasing Cottage Hill and starting the local publication from scratch at the same time. My intent was to diversify and be inclusive, and that was the ultimate goal, but I type this after the first print publication was released and after months of blogging, and I still feel embarrassed of a lack of diversity. I felt it before Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd’s deaths, and since that moment, I only feel deepened embarrassment. Yes, there is inclusion and diversity, but I know it is not enough.
Quarantine sent me headfirst back into obsession over perspective. The deaths of Ahmaud, Breonna, and George and the subsequent boiling-over and movement into action sent me into overdrive, and I could no longer sit in my comfortable and privileged space while simply trying to diversify, but never speaking out and never being actively anti-racist.
The same goes for my thoughts on LGBTQ+ weddings. If you follow us, you know I post LGBTQ+ couples, but I have not actively spoken out on the importance of this. This was also wrong of me.
Did I want to? Yes. Am I embarrassed to admit that what others thought of me was holding me back, so I thought simply posting diverse couples was enough? Yep.
I am bothered that I decided to stay silent this long when I wanted to speak out.
I am bothered that I was too much of a weiner to share my opinion, but I feel that I need to tell you where I stand as the founder of this company.
I do not do this to shame anyone, I do this to hopefully help others speak their truths and stand up for injustices.
I do not do this to offend anyone.
I do not do this to take away from anyone else’s experience.
I muted myself until this moment, and I care deeply about so many issues that I have not spoken of—issues that need to be addressed and should have been addressed especially as a media company. I did not address them because I felt I needed to slowly introduce where I stand. I was not familiar with the majority of Cottage Hill readers’ stances, and I worried that I may lose readers if I spoke out— if I stood up for what I believe in. I was worried about reactions from conservative friends and family, and I was scared of being judged and having uncomfortable conversations. I was also scared that my opinions would be taken the wrong way, and some of my friends and family would think I was calling them out specifically. I should not have cared, I should have put the fear aside, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I have been fearful in speaking out while trying to keep a business afloat in the volatility of this year, but it stops now.
So this is me. Unfiltered. Uninhibited. Unbothered. This is what I stand for and what B.E Publishing will echo. I may lose readers, and I am okay with that. The following are beliefs that shape this company—beliefs I feel are important to share so that you know without a doubt what the heart is behind the company.
These are the things that I believe in and that are important to me :
I believe in love. In all forms.
I believe in unconventional love. Wild love. Love that does not make sense.
I love the LGTBQ+ community and support it. I support trans people. I support non-binary people. I support polyamory. I support monogamy. I support non-monogamy. As long as it is a consensual relationship, I support it.
I believe that many (not all) religious people, do a terrible job of loving all people and instead cherry-pick the people they feel most comfortable loving.
I support black lives matter. When people say “all lives matter,” I do not believe that all lives truly matter to them. I believe that if one were to ask an “all lives matter” supporter if they believed gay lives, Muslim lives, trans lives, atheist lives, or sex worker’s lives mattered, their immediate non-verbal reaction would be poignantly telling.
I believe that white privilege exists.
I believe that I have a ton of work to do still on the matter of race, and I believe the work will never be finished. It will be continual.
I believe that more humans need to open their eyes to the fact that we made up all of these societal norms and standards we put on others.
I believe most things are societal constructs and I like to think about societal constructs in the way of asking “if we were all living in this world as, let’s say, horses, what would we have?” Not religion. Not consumerism. Not hate. Not judgement.
I believe in protecting the environment.
I believe in the importance of travel, yet the environmental impact weighs on me.
I believe in weddings and celebrations, yet the environmental impact weighs on me.
I believe in art, fashion, music, etc, yet the environmental impact weighs on me.
I believe in moderation and continually working to be better in matters of the environment. A majority of the world cannot purchase clothing from only ethical makers. People should be able to celebrate exciting parts of life. Travel should happen to gain perspective. Many things are bad for the environment, but packing up and living off the grid with nothing is not quite possible in the world we live in anymore, so I believe in being cognizant of things like these and doing little things and continuing to do better every day. To me, this is like quitting cold turkey vs. tapering off.
I believe in love.
I believe in classic photography over trendy.
I believe in putting yourself out there.
I believe in speaking one’s truth.
I believe that we are all connected.
I believe in energy, crystals, meditation, and all of that woo woo shit.
I believe in science and facts.
I believe in silliness.
I believe in being weird.
I believe in body positivity.
I believe in talking about mental health.
I believe in sex-positivity.
I do not believe in slut-shaming.
I am not sure that I believe that all people are inherently good, but I believe that most people are and that they deserve love, and that love deserves to be celebrated.
I feel heavy sorrow when I see that some Christians (not all, please do not think I am generalizing all Christians) want to take rights away from the LGBTQ+, state all lives matter, and support a president filled with hate.
When people who want to lift up others who are hurting like the Black community or the LGBTQ+ community and give an actual shit about humans no matter what their sexual orientation, skin color, religion, etc. is, and they are judged by alleged followers of a man known for loving on everyone with zero judgment is baffling and heartbreaking to me.
The side I find myself on simply wants every person to open their eyes, minds, and hearts and begin to help those who need help, to begin to love on people who need it the most, and to be accepting of everyone.
The thought that others are judged because they love others no matter what baffles me.
People who want to forcefully take rights away from those born loving who they love sadden me.
People who are supposed to love and not judge jump down anyone’s throat who leaves their religion— bombarding them with scripture and condemning them before listening sadden me.
People disown their own children—against the biology of unconditional love—for how they were born loving sadden me.
I do not believe in America’s current president, and his hateful rhetoric saddens me.
I believe the dairy industry is worse than the meat industry.
I do not believe in eating pork—pigs are far too intelligent for me to be comfortable eating them.
I think that education needs an overhaul, and I believe college and trade schools should be more accessible.
I think that we need to have uncomfortable conversations with each other more.
I believe in a healthy dose of profanity. (We made all of these words up anyways).
I believe in accepting others’ religions.
I believe in standing up for what is right.
I believe that you will be judged no matter what, so speaking your truth is the only way to begin to live freely.
I believe that people should be able to publicly walk away from religion without being shamed or bombarded with people telling them they are wrong.
I believe that LGBTQ+ people should be able to come out with only love in response rather than questioning, hate, or even disownment in response.
I believe that BIPOC people should not have to be scared to do everyday things— to simply exist.
I believe in holistic healing, but modern medicine too. My son’s life was saved by modern medicine and vaccines kept him safe.
I believe in vaccines.
I believe in encouraging others and being too trusting.
I believe in being just a bit too vulnerable in case it helps anyone—even if I’ve been burned by it. I do not regret my vulnerability, and I believe we should all practice it more.
I believe in learning. Constantly. I believe in evolving. I believe in allowing oneself to evolve and change opinion—I certainly have.
I believe that sometimes things must end in catastrophe to be remade into something better.
I believe that I will continue to screw up—a lot, but I will constantly learn and do better.
So this is where I stand. This is my truth. This is me deciding to be completely unbothered and uninhibited from this moment forward.
I believe that 2020 is it. That 2020 is the year we are completely destroyed so that we have no choice but to rebuild into something unrecognizable, yet better. This is 2020.
You will see opinion pieces, you will see more “politicism”, you will see more raw and real. You will see more Black stories and see more Black creatives. You will also see anti-racism. You will see more LGBTQ+ stories. You will see more LGBTQ+ creatives. Behind the scenes, I am 100% committed to working with more Black creatives and adding Black people to our team once we are able to begin growing. I am reading, learning, and taking every opportunity for education that I can to grow this company properly from the beginning while being actively anti-racist. I will partner with organizations dedicated to anti-racism by way of sponsorships, donations, etc. This is what the second half of 2020 and the future will look like for B.E Publishing.
So, after all of that, I would like to formally introduce myself.
photography : picturesque photos by amanda