Why You Should Do Whatever You Want for Your Wedding
A Note on Tradition and Why You Should Do Whatever You Want for Your Wedding
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
I still vividly recall three weddings I coordinated that solidified my thinking on tradition.
The first was an old friend who dressed up to get married at the courthouse, and hired a professional photographer to capture it. I wept at the photos of she and her new husband because their love was unmistakable. They had no guests. They had no reception. Just the two of them dressed in formalwear at the courthouse. In that instant, it clicked. Something I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t fully understand until that moment: couples don’t have to follow any traditions for their love and wedding to be valid.
The second was when I coordinated for a couple with an opinionated mother-of-the bride. The bride had numerous non-traditional ideas that her mother scoffed or laughed at, but the most painful response was to the bride’s suggestion they have a first look. The mother, speaking through a look of disgust, told her that she would certainly NOT be having a first look; she stated that it was the stupidest idea she’d ever heard, and that she had no idea why any bride would ever let her groom see them before they walked down the aisle. The defeated look on the bride-to-be’s face and body language is something I’ve yet to forget. From that day on, I vowed to myself to help equip couples with the knowledge that they should have the wedding meaningful to their relationship, regardless of tradition and others’ opinions.
The last happened while assisting with set-up on a wedding, I overheard the mother-of-the bride and a family member chatting and one woman asks the other while pointing to a piece of wedding decor traditional to a specific denomination of Christianity: “Does she want this? Do we need to set this up? Honestly, what is the actual meaning of it?” “I have no idea, but that’s what everyone does, so let’s do it that way.” I wondered how many people followed tradition just for the sake of “everyone else does it this way.” This led me into researching the start of American wedding traditions, and what I found left me shocked. If you are on the fence with your decisions in tradition, research where they began in the first place. This will give you perspective and it will arm you with a knowledgeable reply to unsolicited opinions of disapproval.
Each tradition had to begin somewhere, and they’ve all been invented by humans. When discussing this, I typically like to note monogamous animals outside of the human species aren’t “required” to have ceremonies with white gowns and a best man speech—although, I wouldn’t hate seeing a sloth in a wedding dress.
Where did the tradition of the white wedding dress begin?
Did you know that the tradition of the white wedding dress began with Queen Victoria’s wedding in 1840? Before that, colorful wedding gowns in the Christian religion were common. Essentially, brides would get married in the best dress they already owned. Queen V knew her wedding gown would be reported on worldwide, and she wanted to support the declining lace trade, so she wore a gown trimmed in lace. Why white? She felt that color best showed the artistry in the lace. The color white symbolized purity, but it only caught on after her wedding because only the most affluent could afford white gowns; It became a symbol of wealth.
Where did the tradition of not seeing a bride before the wedding begin? And where did the tradition of bridal veils begin?
Did you know the tradition of a groom not seeing his bride stems from the days of arranged marriages? Yes. Keeping the groom from seeing his bride was to protect both families in case the groom thought the bride was unattractive. In fact, that’s why veils are tradition. The veil was to keep the bride’s face hidden until the last possible moment; at this point, it was too late for the groom to back out. He’d reveal her face after she’d come down the aisle and that was that.
photo by Jordan Taylor Photography
Where did the tradition of a bride carrying a bouquet begin?
This one’s…a little smelly. This tradition began in the days before…deodorant. Figure it out yet? Bouquets actually used to be bundles of pungent herbs to hide the bride’s…body odor. Not a very romantic tradition once you know the origin.
It is okay to bypass tradition. It is okay to forgo the bouquet/garter toss. Does the thought of a first dance in front of all of your friends and family make you panic? Don’t do it. You don’t have to. In contrast, if you’ve dreamed of that traditional wedding because you watched Father of the Bride 2,000 times as a child, then have your traditional wedding. It’s your day after all! Try to not get caught up in the modern-day beauty contest of weddings that you see on Instagram, and take a note from Dwayne’s character in Little Miss Sunshine : “You know what? #@*! beauty contests. Life is one #@*!ing beauty contest after another. You know, school, then college, then work, #@*! that...you do what you love, and #@*! the rest.”
In sum, and with a bit less profanity, have a wedding meaningful to you and your spouse and #@*! the rest.
