How to Network When You Are an Introvert
Networking for Introverts
How to Make Valuable Connections When Talking to New People Makes You Nervous
Photograph by Shalyn Nelson at the 2019 Editor’s Course Retreat at Spain Ranch
You can’t get out of it. It doesn’t matter your personality, you cannot grow a successful business without networking…in-person. You have to get off of your laptop and meet real people. Instead of using your introverted-ness as an excuse, let’s talk about how you can feel more confident and woo (yes, I said woo) more potential clients and connections through networking.
To help you out though, I recommend two personality tests, two simple strategies and one tactic I learned in high school—yep.
HAVE YOU TAKEN THE ENNEAGRAM?
If you don’t know your Enneagram Type I highly recommend you pause and go take the test.
The test I recommend does cost, $12, and you want to choose the RHETI version. This is the one I recommend to my Editor’s Course students because it is so thorough and accurate.
While I won’t get into the Enneagram here, understanding your type is so helpful for you to understand how to best interact with others from a personal level.
THEN, I RECOMMEND YOU READ THE BOOK FASCINATE.
To me, Fascinate is like the Enneagram, but for your brand. It’s about how people perceive you.
It’s one thing to understand yourself, but it’s another to start thinking about how people perceive you and how you can leverage that perception to your advantage instead of feeling like you need to change who you are. You don’t. You can leverage what already makes you interesting to others.
OK. Those were the two foundational homework assignments. Let’s talk strategy, that actual networking.
CHOOSE AN EVENT OR NETWORKING COMMUNITY THAT SURROUNDS A SUBJECT YOU ARE DEEPLY INTERESTED IN.
It’s going to be a lot easier to walk in the door and strike a conversation around something you actually care about.
For example, I love the ballet. As a former dancer, I love to support my local ballet. So it would make sense for me to join the ballet’s young patrons group which includes members who could be potential clients or good connections for me, but we’re gathered around a common interest—the ballet. That keeps me from feeling like I have to talk about business, and instead leads to a more natural conversation about what I love—ballet—and the people I’m connecting with will see me in a more natural state so when or if business does come up, I’m relaxed and will do a better job at communicating.
See how that works?
GET YOURSELF A WINGMAN, ER WINGWOMAN.
There is not shame in dragging a friend with you.
Really. If networking makes you really nervous, there is no shame in having an outgoing friend go with you. Want to join Editor’s Course, but nervous to do it alone. Get a friend to do it with you.That’s all.
HERE’S A TRICK I LEARNED IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR WHEN I GOT NERVOUS TALKING TO BOYS.
And it really does work in a business settings.
Have you ever gone to an event and you did a pretty good job holding conversation, but then you can feel it. A lull in the conversation is coming and you’ve run out of things to say. What do you do?
First of all, don’t panic and allow some quiet time. The other person may be just as nervous as you, or may have been wanting to bring something up, but was waiting for a pause. Let them have their pause.
If after a pause, still crickets, use my Prop Diversion Method for avoiding awkward silences. Pick anything in the room, on the table, anywhere up or point it out and talk about it. It could be a pamphlet, the color of the wall paint or the music playing. I’m serious.
If you are like me and you cannot do small talk, hello Enneagram Type 5, this is a great backup plan for when you start to lose your confidence and you need a diversion while you take a moment to compose yourself and re-adjust the topic of conversation. It seems so silly, I know. But when you end up having to use it at the next networking event, I want to know—comment below!
NETWORKING EVENT EXPERIENCES WORK BEST WHEN YOU DO NOT LEAD WITH AN ELEVATOR PITCH OR BUSINESS FIRST.
Lead with thinking how you can help every single person in the room.
Focusing on how you can serve and not ‘sell’ will help your confidence getting your focus off of yourself and onto others. Asking how they are really doing or what challenge or question they have in their business will position you as someone they can trust who might be able to help them and potentially, someone they may want to work with.
