An Oklahoma Anniversary Story of 30 Years and Counting

I met Gary and Mary four years ago. I had just begun a journey healing my autoimmune disease through food, when my husband came home from work and said, “I think you need to meet a new customer of mine. He and his wife are avid vegetable gardeners and they invited you and I to their property any time to look at their garden and ask questions.”

We went to their home in Okmulgee. We explored their gardens and they answered each one of my one million questions about starting a garden as a total amateur, they had even printed out charts and tips for me prior to our arrival. My husband continued to work with Gary as a customer, and after we started our own garden, they came to visit us on our ranch. What I remember about Gary and Mary was their love for each other and their kindness to each other and mere strangers. They spoke kindly and acted kindly, and I felt their relationship was holding a story worth telling, I just needed to hear it first.

On a chilly December evening, they arrived at my home ready to interview.

Gary and Mary were both born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona and grew up in the same church, but never knew their paths would cross later in life. Both are divorcees and were able to escape toxic first marriages. Mary was single for 12 years, but prayed for a husband. She tells me in her prayers, she began to say she would be content by herself because she wanted true love, and she was willing to be content as a single woman if that couldn’t happen.

She took a trip to Oklahoma, and before she left, a prophetic woman told her she would know who her husband would be when she arrived back in Phoenix. A prophet in Oklahoma told her the very same thing.

I ask them how he proposed. Mary tells me, “He was so coy. He didn’t really ask.” Gary pauses to think, then says, “I didn’t?! I didn’t ask!?” We chuckle. Once Mary regains composure, she asks, “Well what did you say when you asked me then?” Gary pauses and says, “Well, I don’t remember.” We all belly laugh. Mary maintains that he didn’t ask, but they just knew because they’d each been praying about the other. They transitioned naturally into talking about marriage. I ask them how long they’ve been married. “Thirty years in August..it doesn’t seem that long oh my goodness” said Mary. “We are best friends.”

Both divorcees living in a small town, their start was a bit rocky with small-town gossip as Gary’s parents were prominent members of the community. His father, an entrepreneur, owned two black barber shops and his mother was a well- known social worker. Both Gary and Mary were the center of small-town 'controversy' when Mary went to work for him part-time. They disclose that they didn't pay much attention to the naysayers; they knew they were meant to be together. When I ask what type of work she performs for Gary, Mary tells me she keeps Gary's books. You see, gardening is just a tiny percentage of Gary’s life; he is also an entrepreneur like his father. He is a pastor, an electrical contractor with his own company, a home-builder, a rancher, a property investor, and more. The year prior to their marrriage, Mary went to work for Gary full-time; she has been working alongside him for the past thirty years.

“Oh honey..tell her about our honeymoon," Mary motions to Gary and says, "He’s the storyteller.” “Okay, but you have to add in the rest if I miss something,” Gary replies.

“When we first got married, her work wouldn’t give her time off to go on the honeymoon, but it didn’t bother us at all.” Gary recalled, “There was a coworker of hers who was taking vacation at the same time and didn’t want to swap Mary so that she could go on her honeymoon, but we didn’t care. You know what we did? We went the weekend following our wedding, worked the next week, and went again. We went on two honeymoons!” I ask where they went on those two weekends. Gary replies, “San Diego and San Diego. We went twice!” We all double over in laughter as we would many times throughout the interview.

Their love and friendship is pure and indisputable. They laugh through much of the interview and looked at each other like two school-aged kids with first-time crushes, glowing each time one shared about the other.

On a tangent, I notice he calls her “tender” in reference to her warm and generous personality. I can't help but smile ear to ear when I catch him saying this.

I ask about their wedding. They tell me it was a small ceremony at their church in Phoenix, surrounded only by family and close friends. It took place at 11am, and they had flights that afternoon to San Diego. Gary didn’t want a reception, and Mary said that was just fine with her. “I was so happy!” says Mary. “When you have an experience like that, you want to keep peace, and get on with it.” Gary adds “It’s all about you and your love. All the rest of it can fall off. That’s what you have to focus on. It’s not about the pomp. It’s all. about. love.”

She beamed when they told me Gary sent her roses the first day back to work after the wedding. “A dozen roses. I can still see them. The next day, he sent me two dozen. Next day? Three dozen.”

So I steer the conversation to the obvious burning question : how do you make a marriage work for 30 years? In addition, how do you make a marriage work for 30 years when you’re in business together?

First, they tell me they travel extensively. They take at least one major trip per year, sprinkled with smaller trips throughout. “You need that more-relaxed time, especially working with your spouse,” suggests Gary. “[Gary] is so adventurous and I love that about him. We’ve gone to so many places I’ve never been before,” muses Mary. She adds that trips let them get back to each other sans the layers of work and the daily grind. Their favorite spot so far? Alaska.

“Our relationship started off as unusual for most people. It’s complex, but we knew who we were. It’s our friendship.” Gary states “You have to have a friendship. That is so important. I can always trust her, and I can always trust her to watch out for me. She always gives me her honest opinion, and I depend on her to give me that.” He adds that she builds him up. He turns to Mary and beams, “You tell me there’s nothing I cannot do.”

I ask them to tell me their sweetest memories of the other. They agree there were too many to narrow until Mary straightens her back and says, “Well...it might be too private,” before throwing us all into another fit of laughter. She leans over and whispers to Gary what she’s contemplating putting on the record. Eventually, she tells me he used to write her handwritten love notes and she’s saved every single one of them. “We always call each other baby, honey, or sweetheart,” Gary shares. “Although, when I know she means business, she says ‘Elder Knox.’” This is when they tell me they have an 11-year age gap and Mary is older. “My niece tells me, ‘auntie, you’re a cougar,’” Mary says while we all head into another round of laughter.

“We’ve gone through lumps and bumps, but that’s what makes you strong. Everyone will have a test in their marriage, and if you have true love, you’ll get through it and it will make you strong,” Gary remarks. “I have a lot of fun with my wife. We get along so well because we are friends. When your spouse is your friend, it smooths out all the rough spaces.” Gary also credits their faith and prayer to their lasting marriage. “We learned to pray together. So many people don’t use that power that they have. Sometimes we will be going through something, and I hold her hand and we pray. That’s the most important thing is God. That’s the origin of love. You have to have that in your life.”

Gary and Mary have been Oklahoma residents for 13 years and their favorite local spots are authentic taco trucks and White River Fish Market.